Earlier this year (2008) my Dad died. He was 82 years young and just went to sleep watching TV. If we really must go, I believe there is no finer way to do it. My Dad was scared of dying and, like most of us, just didn't want to go. As we age, we know that we are moving closer, but don't really ever believe it will happen to us. Dad didn't either. I remember him saying to me, only a few weeks before he died, most emphatically, 'It's just not my time yet!'.

UNINVITED...
But obviously he was getting closer. During 2007 Dad had two 'visitations' by uninvited guests and I was unaware at the time that some of what he was experiencing was in fact not unusual for people approaching death. Early 2007 he told me how he woke up during the night to go to the toilet. He walked in to the lounge room and standing in front of where he usually sat, were his two brothers, who had previously passed away some years ago. He sat in the middle of the lounge, thinking they would sit either side, but they didn't. They just stood there. He waited to see if they said anything, but they didn't. In the end, he told them, 'I'm not bloody going with you!', and went back to bed.  A very typical response from my Dad.

A couple of months later, when I was visiting, he came to me with a piece of paper on which he'd written down what he'd experienced the previous evening. Again after going to the loo he had encountered his brothers. They had given him part of a number, but wouldn't give him the rest. He was very upset that he couldn't have the rest of the number - he desperately wanted the whole number, and begged to have it.

With tears streaming down his face he asked me what I thought this meant. I remember thinking, oh God, I don't know what to say to him. My immediate thought was, you're number's up, your going to die. I thought for a moment and I said, "I think it means your numbers not up yet, that's why they only gave you part of the number". Neither of us had any inkling as to how relevant this event would be.

It is important to understand that both of these experiences were real to my Dad. As he explained to me, "They were as real as you are".  My Dad also remarked that his brothers were solid, not transparent as he would have imagined spirits to be.

Two or three days later Dad haemorrhaged from a burst ulcer in his stomach. As he was taking Warfarin (an anticoagulant) he lost a lot of blood and was told by doctors that he had nearly died. I visited him in hospital and he was sitting up in bed saying to me with a big smile, "You were right, my number's not up."

Only then did his experience two days previously make perfect sense.

 

Nearing Death Awareness

There is a book which jumped out at me at a conference I recently attended called Nearing Death Awareness - A Guide to the Language, Visions, and Dreams of the Dying by Mary Anne Sanders. In this book, Sanders gives many examples of people who are close to death experiencing what she has termed Near Death Awareness (NDA), which can be experienced days, weeks or months prior to death.

 

NDA can happen in a number of ways; by visions or visitations by a family member who has died, as experienced by my Dad, through dreams, during sleep or day-dreaming. Sometimes the language and behaviours used by the dying person can also be loaded with symbolism, including preparation for going on a trip or verbal communication with a family member who has died.

As I write this, I remember that my grandmother said that my grandfather, who had died some years previously, was waiting with a bunch of flowers for her. She died three days later.

In his book, Palliative Care Perspectives, Dr J L Hallenbeck states, "In normal wakefulness, we function and interact on a relatively narrow and shared frequency that allows both transmission and reception of shared experiences. When patients at the end of life experience altered states, it is as if their radio frequency, their wavelength, has shifted." He goes on to say, (This) "allows the patient to experience both the 'normal' wavelength on which we coexist and yet receive signals on a wavelength that we cannot perceive. Such a patient might be perfectly aware of being in a hospital bed and of dying but be able to see and hear a deceased relative sitting in a chair next to the bed". An interesting analogy. Could it be that sometimes our brain is able to tune in to something that we just don't normally access?

 

These sorts of experiences happen daily. Many people choose not the talk about them. Fear of ridicule, or being discounted are often a major concern as these events are cherished moments to a person in their grief.

I believe that these stories need to be told. It is in the telling and subsequent hearing that we can truly begin to hold a glimmer of understanding about the journey we must all undertake. And somewhere, in the very centre of our understanding, there is a place where we may make our peace with this experience we call death.

DO YOU HAVE A STORY TO SHARE?

Over the next few months I will be collecting such experiences in preparation for a book.

If you or a family member, friend or colleague have experienced any of the following, and are willing to contribute your experience to this work, then I would love to hear from you:

The areas that I am most interested in are:

• Nearing Death Awareness - Visions or visitations, witnessed by the dying, of loved ones who have died, spiritual beings, angels, guides, etc.
• Near death experiences.
• After Death Communication including visions or visitations, the sensing of the presence, witnessed by the grieving, of loved ones who have died.
• Symbolic dreams, language and behaviours of the dying.
• Any unusual event surrounding the death journey of a loved one.
  

Your stories are not trivial; they are most important, so please do call or email. All enquiries are strictly confidential and names will be altered to protect your privacy. In this work I hope to present not only a gathering of stories, but also provide help and comfort for those who are going through the death journey with a family member who may be experiencing some of these events themselves.

If you would like to know more I can be contacted on.

02 94561190 or wendy@innertranceformations.com.au