Accepting Personal Responsibility
Once upon a time, two men were tramping through the dense forest, when they came upon a grizzly bear. They froze. The first man turned to the second man and said, "No use running, he's going to eat us." To which the second man replied, "He can only eat one of us, and I'm going to run!". The level of responsibility we take for our actions, thoughts and feelings can literally determine whether we get eaten alive or live a long and healthy life.
Accepting responsibility for where you are, and the life you have created can be a daunting task. It can also be a liberating one because it means that we have the ability to change it.
We say to ourselves, "It's just the way I am", or, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". "I try every diet but I just can't stick to it", or, "I'll never be able to quit smoking/drinking/gambling" etc.
Accepting responsibility is not the same as blaming yourself. Blaming yourself, often accompanied by what amounts to mental self flagellation resulting in feelings of guilt, has nothing whatsoever to do with accepting responsibility..
So what is taking responsibility all about? How do we do it?
Responsibility is about understanding and accepting some of the following concepts:
Signs and symptoms of not taking personal responsibility may include statements such as:
Statements such as these may be accompanied by feelings of helplessness, hopelessness or feeling generally sorry for yourself.
Here are 10 steps to overcome this mind set.
Once upon a time, two men were tramping through the dense forest, when they came upon a grizzly bear. They froze. The first man turned to the second man and said, "No use running, he's going to eat us." To which the second man replied, "He can only eat one of us, and I'm going to run!". The level of responsibility we take for our actions, thoughts and feelings can literally determine whether we get eaten alive or live a long and healthy life.
Accepting responsibility for where you are, and the life you have created can be a daunting task. It can also be a liberating one because it means that we have the ability to change it.
We say to ourselves, "It's just the way I am", or, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". "I try every diet but I just can't stick to it", or, "I'll never be able to quit smoking/drinking/gambling" etc.
Accepting responsibility is not the same as blaming yourself. Blaming yourself, often accompanied by what amounts to mental self flagellation resulting in feelings of guilt, has nothing whatsoever to do with accepting responsibility..
So what is taking responsibility all about? How do we do it?
Responsibility is about understanding and accepting some of the following concepts:
- You are responsible for the choices you make in your life.
- You are responsible for what you choose to think and feel.
- You choose the direction in which your life is going.
- At all times you have choice - you may not like the choices you have, but you always have a choice.
Signs and symptoms of not taking personal responsibility may include statements such as:
- It's not my fault.
- It's your fault.
- It's the governments' fault!
- I am the way I am and I can't change.
- I want you to fix me.
- I am the way I am because of my upbringing.
- Life is so unfair.
- I can't make a difference. (Like the first man in the story above!)
Statements such as these may be accompanied by feelings of helplessness, hopelessness or feeling generally sorry for yourself.
Here are 10 steps to overcome this mind set.
- Challenge irrational beliefs about yourself. Start asking yourself questions like, " Where is the evidence for my belief?", "How else could I choose to look at this?" or, "What can I learn from this?".
- Let go of negative beliefs about yourself. Similar to challenging beliefs, but takes this one step further. Sometimes we may need the help of a therapist skilled in understanding and facilitating change at subconscious levels.
- Learn to champion yourself. Affirm yourself positively. So many of us look for approval from others, when what we really need is to learn how to champion ourselves.
- Be open to learning new things, new ways of thinking about things.
- Manage your time so you don't burn out.
- Realise that you are in charge of your life. You drive the bus! The buck stops with you!
- Take steps to ensure that you are not a victim. This could range anywhere from learning and implementing some basic assertiveness skills to becoming a black belt in Marshal Arts!
- Take stock of your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual wellbeing. Is it time to stop smoking, taking drugs or drinking? Learn some skills to help you maintain healthy, rewarding relationships. Join a meditation or yoga class. What about the gym? Voluntary work? Book yourself in for an evening class. If you need help to do any of this, take charge - get the help you need.
- Stop trying to control other peoples actions, thought and feelings. They are responsible for those. You look after your own!
- If you have difficulty taking charge, take charge of it an make a decision to get some help.